Today we celebrated Wy's 10th Birthday which he turns on Monday. It was a strange but amazing day. Also sad because my baby is turning 10 and very much not a baby anymore. He is still so sweet and gives so much love and I hope he always stays that way. I love you my precious Wyatt Edward.
Celebrating today took me back to the day he was born. Since I was unable to have Wes naturally, I was scheduled for a C-section from the time I knew I was expecting Wy. I had not planned on anymore children due to how difficult my pregnancy was with Wes but God had other plans. Two and a half weeks before my scheduled C-section, I went into labor so they put me into the hospital and took him early. I remember laying in the operating room with his dad sitting beside me waiting to see what I knew would be my last child. Because of physical problems the doctor said I would not be having anymore children. When they lifted Wy up over the sheet that blocked my view, I fell in love in an instant with the adorable round faced dark haired baby boy that had entered my life. He was a momma's boy from day one and still is. The love I felt for him was completely different than what I felt for my oldest but yet somehow I knew I would love them both for as long as I would live.
Since the divorce, my ex and I have always celebrated birthdays for the boys separately. For some reason this year when I started planning Wy's party I felt like I should ask him if he would like me and his dad to do a party for him together. He was so excited so I asked his dad if he would like to do that and he agreed.
So today for the first time in six years, my son was able to celebrate his birthday with both his mom and dad, both sets of grandparents, friends from both sides of the family, and his new baby sister. Every time his dad and I were there with him, his face would light up. He is the only one of the boys that has ever told me that he wished me and his dad were still together. He still deals with wanting a complete and whole family instead of a broken one.
So why do this and put myself through having to be in the same room with the man who cheated on me. The woman who he cheated with. The baby they now have together. Why? Because seeing the smile on my baby's face was so worth the stress it put on me mentally. Knowing that future events like graduations and weddings can be civil and even nice affairs for my kids. Knowing that this is another new beginning. Today began a completely different relationship with my ex than I have ever had. There is a glimmer of light that someday in the future we even might be friends. For me this is huge. I had always thought we would be mortal enemies until the day one of us dies. While things will never be perfect, there is a chance that eventually the pain will not always be what rules our relationship but instead a mutual concern for our children and care of each other.
No it is not easy some days and I know there will be more rough days ahead. But I survived today and I feel stronger emotionally for it. Even though I am writing this with tears rolling down my face, they are good tears, healing and renewing.
So my thought for today is.....if you have children and you are going through a divorce, your pain is not the only pain happening. While you may want to erase your spouse from the face of the earth and move on, your child cannot. That will always be their parent. They can't move on to a new dad or mom. Especially if they are a little older. So when you feel the pain and the urge to eliminate the other parent, remember your child still needs them. You may hate them right now but a time will come when those feelings will be gone and if you plant that feeling in your child, it may stay in them for a lifetime. Give your child the freedom to love the other parent. Let them know it is ok. Don't put them in the middle of your hurt. It is the greatest gift you can give your child during this painful time. When you do this, you leave the door open for their to be at least a civil if not amicable relationship between you and your ex.
It's never easy and you will pay the price, but when you reach the day I did today and you see that beautiful smile lighting up your child's face as you and your ex work together to make it a great day for them, you will know it has been worth it.
Praying for you all.......
